We got into a fight that weekend. I called him a son of a bit@h. He called me fat; I called him a liar.  He said I was in denial.  I stepped on him again, and he stuck to his story.  How, why?  I yield.  I passed by her in just my running shorts & a sports bra; her shinny reflection whispered, you are overweight.  To her, I responded, it’s not too bad as I tap my belly.  She politely retorts it’s bad, as she reflects my jiggle; it’s time.  You are in cohorts with the scale, aren’t you?  She replies, we can’t both be liars.  I sigh and mumble; I know. It begins today. 

It’s was a Saturday morning, and I went for my first 30-minute walk in months.  Once I returned home, I search for jump rope videos on YouTube to motivate me in the mornings, something I could do from home.  The alarm clock went off at 0500 every morning, and I hit snooze, the backup alarm rang at 0530, and I hit snooze again.  Ok, 0545, time to rise, or I will not have time to do my hair.  It’s a struggle to drag myself out of bed, put on a respectable sports bra, shorts, and begin my day with a 10-minute jump rope workout, but by the end of it, I feel awake and energized that I started.  I’m going into the office daily, though; by this time of 2020, we are in a full pandemic situation.  I make it through my very long day, and I change into my workout clothes and go outside for a one-mile run.  That was my goal, to run one mile every single day for a week.  I wanted to change my body; I had to change my lifestyle.  I started.

I have the worst sweet tooth in the world.  I feel like a drug fiend when I ingest it.  Red Vines, Jelly Bellies, Reese’s Cups, or Pieces.  Did I just eat all that? Did I even taste it?  It went down so effortlessly and quickly.  Candy is my weakness.  Stop staring at me, damn it; you tasty sweet morsels.  Every time I open the refrigerator at work, there rests a giant bag of fun-size Kit Kat & Reese’s Cups.  You temptresses, you are no good for me.  I gather some self-control and close the refrigerator door.  I walk by the Red Vines on the production table and think I am stronger than you.  A week goes by, and I roll my eyes every time I walk past a piece of candy.  Not today.  I did not become super-human or gain immense willpower; I simply made a choice.  My choice is to get back to a healthy weight, and to do this; I must cut back on my weaknesses (sugar) and increase my movement. 

I wanted to change my body. I know all the experts say you have to change your mind before anything else.  The couch is so comfortable after work, and making a quick unhealthy meal is always easier than trying to prep, plan, and eat healthily.  I don’t want to feel lazy, but that’s precisely my sweet spot but look where that has gotten me?  I started training for a half marathon one month into my change, and I should have gotten up to run one morning, but I ended up at a BBQ the night before, so several glasses of wine & a heavy dinner do not encourage an early morning run.  So, I waited until the afternoon until the sun went down to go out and accomplish a long run.  I was focused.

I made the mistake of getting on the scale after a month; I’m only down 3 pounds, sigh… I mean, I’m down 3 pounds!  I tried to stay enthusiastic about this process, but it still sucked.  I had to change my view of working out and eating better.  I admit I am doing much better in the kitchen, and even the small steps of working out are leaps and bounds from where I was.  I must stop being so hard on myself and just do it (ok, Nike, I get it).  When I walk by the mirror, I do not like what I see and, I don’t accept that this is as good as I can be.  I am holding myself accountable even on the days that I do not want to follow my training.  It still sucked, but I forced myself to follow through.

Month two was motivating.  I realized a few days in that I haven’t eaten meat in a few weeks, not really on purpose but I had wanted to cut back and just increase my vegetable intake.  I went for a long run that weekend, 7 miles (some walking but mostly running).  I came home and cut the grass and, power washed my carport.  I have a lot of energy lately.  Could it be the running, and the eating better?  Maybe it’s a combination but I really do feel good.  I felt more energized than I had in a very long time.  I am going to stick with plant-based eating for a while.  I changed my habit of sleeping in and started getting up early to run on my days off and I focused on my training.

By month four, I finished another half marathon, a 13.1-mile virtual run, it was a slow one, but I completed it.  Although my half marathon may be over, I am trying to stay focused and keep up with my weight loss goals.  I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app to assist with calorie counting.  It keeps me aware of what I am eating through the course of the day, which makes me more conscious of what I put in my mouth.  I am proud of my persistence throughout this change. I lost 18 pounds so far and no longer in the overweight category, but I find myself getting lazy as well.  I started a new job and work from home most days, and it has been a challenge to keep on schedule with working out.  Last week I ran twice; this weekend, I ran once.  I have been trying to practice patience with myself, but it is also a struggle.  I know that I did well by getting up and running, but I am always mad at myself for not doing more.  I do want to try a little harder.  I know deep down that to get the results I want, I must give more.  I can only change myself, but I am very proud of my progress so far.