I’ve decided this year to be more present, more intentional. I spend time looking at my overscheduled calendar with endless to-dos. I question how each year passes so quickly but I know how.  I fill it up with things, and not always things that I want to do, usually things that I have convinced myself that I have to do and I end up neglecting the things I actually want to get done. The last few years have taught me that life is incredibly short. I lost loves ones unexpectedly; people who mean a lot to me and that I thought I would have in my life for much longer. It makes you put everything in perspective. The things that we spend so much time consumed with, worries, fear, judgement. It’s all meaningless. 

I love watching interviews of people in their 70s and beyond. They always offer similar thoughts of how they spent so much of their youth obsessing about their looks, relationships and money. Spending most of prime years on this planet worrying about how skinny they were or working a job that didn’t interest them because of money. Time away from the things that really mattered like their children, family, travel or hobbies. They spoke about letting go and wishing they could have spent more time caring less about their looks or what others thought of them.  Most didn’t have this realization until well into their retirement years.  Imagine spending your entire adult life not actually enjoying living. Enduring drudgery or living a tedious life just to have regrets near the end.

I understand that most adults are just winging it and just trying to survive. Those lucky enough to have a plan and means enough to see it through can also have a hard time achieving enlightenment. If more people spent time on cultivating the gifts they were born with and living life authentic to self, we would all be in a better place. Instead, everyone is trying to look like they belong on television and praying to someday be a millionaire. Everyone wants what they don’t have instead of being grateful for what they have. Life should be a full and rich experience that we all enjoy; at least some of the time. It should not be filled with mundane requirements just to exist. I find myself constantly battling between what is right and healthy and what can be found enjoyable and not too destructive.  You cannot live on one side forever; too much indulgence can end up with a negative outcome but too much strictness in life is boring. Even in the simplest thing, like today I found myself running errands near a French pastry shop and had a sudden craving for macaroons, which I have not had in a long time. Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind: these are expensive, and I don’t need the sugar. I had to remind myself that it is ok to live in the present sometimes, don’t spend money every day on pricey treats filled with sugar but once in a while remember that life is short – eat the macaroons.